Sorry I haven't really been blogging lately, I've had a lot going on and things are starting to calm down.
This morning even though Dennis and I got off to a late start, so far we've had a much better day than we have been lately. <3
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Blogging more :)
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Decisions, decisions....
Now I know that usually when I'm sitting here writing, I'm "whining" or "complaining", well that's what I use this blog for, but I would choose the word venting, instead. For those of you who don't like it, kindly kiss my ass, or stop reading. I don't trust many people, and I've been through a hell of a lot in my 22 years, and really don't wanna put up with anymore.
In just the last 2 weeks, I applied to and got accepted into college and was due to start on September 30th, however I made the decision that right now is not the best time for me to go back to college. I still owe almost $5,000 in previous student loans, several thousand dollars in child support, almost $800 in medical bills, and other expenses. The sad reality is that I really cannot afford to cause myself anymore debt.
I can't just continue to sit around and do nothing with my life, I have to do something, make something of myself. I don't wanna work for minimum wage for the rest of my life, but for the time being, that's what I'm gonna have to do until I get all my debt paid off so that I can actually afford to go back to school. I want to make something of myself, one where, when I've passed on people can look back and say, oh...Ruby Sommerville, yeah she did that! But unfortunately I don't really know if I'll be able to leave a name for myself, and it scares the hell out of me.
I'm just incredibly lucky to have my boyfriend Dennis by my side, he really has been a great help and support system, through my having a miscarriage, then me needing to find a place to live. And no matter how badly I mess up, he somehow is able to find it within himself to smile and still tell me he loves me and that he'd do anything to make me happy. This isn't a kind of relationship I've had before, yes I've been married and divorced, but when I messed up he got mad and that was it, you couldn't talk to him to try and explain, or talk to him at all even if all was calm, granted at the time I wasn't the greatest wife in the world, but whatever.
This relationship that I have with Dennis, its not like anything I've had or even witnessed before, and I know it'll sound weird, but it scares me. I'm scared that maybe one day I'll lose this wonderful man, I'm scared that I'm not good enough, or that I won't be able to continue to be good enough for him. He's everything I've ever wanted and more.
In just the last 2 weeks, I applied to and got accepted into college and was due to start on September 30th, however I made the decision that right now is not the best time for me to go back to college. I still owe almost $5,000 in previous student loans, several thousand dollars in child support, almost $800 in medical bills, and other expenses. The sad reality is that I really cannot afford to cause myself anymore debt.
I can't just continue to sit around and do nothing with my life, I have to do something, make something of myself. I don't wanna work for minimum wage for the rest of my life, but for the time being, that's what I'm gonna have to do until I get all my debt paid off so that I can actually afford to go back to school. I want to make something of myself, one where, when I've passed on people can look back and say, oh...Ruby Sommerville, yeah she did that! But unfortunately I don't really know if I'll be able to leave a name for myself, and it scares the hell out of me.
I'm just incredibly lucky to have my boyfriend Dennis by my side, he really has been a great help and support system, through my having a miscarriage, then me needing to find a place to live. And no matter how badly I mess up, he somehow is able to find it within himself to smile and still tell me he loves me and that he'd do anything to make me happy. This isn't a kind of relationship I've had before, yes I've been married and divorced, but when I messed up he got mad and that was it, you couldn't talk to him to try and explain, or talk to him at all even if all was calm, granted at the time I wasn't the greatest wife in the world, but whatever.
This relationship that I have with Dennis, its not like anything I've had or even witnessed before, and I know it'll sound weird, but it scares me. I'm scared that maybe one day I'll lose this wonderful man, I'm scared that I'm not good enough, or that I won't be able to continue to be good enough for him. He's everything I've ever wanted and more.
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