The road to finding myself :)

Growing up is difficult for everyone, but always feeling like you'll never be good enough for even your family is really rough. Let me elaborate here, I grew up being called a "cunt", fat, ugly, a whore, a bitch, a retard, stupid etc. However, as much as I want to believe that I am none of these things, these names continue to be thrown at me by my relatives. 

Today I went to church for the first time in a long time. I called my aunt after church today and when she asked if it was a Catholic church, I simply replied with no. She then assumed it was a Protestant church that I had attended, to which I also replied, "no". I did inform her that it was a Christian church and then she got mad at me. I'm not really sure why but shit happens I guess.

In this crazy life I just need something to believe in, something bigger than myself, someone I can confide in who won't tell my secrets. And I figured God was the right guy for the job. I had a prayer said at church today for my uncle Robert who passed away in January....I sat there and bawled like a baby. 

I hope that in going back to church I can somehow better myself, but only time will tell.